The Difference Between Nice and Kind

There’s a world of difference between “nice” and kind.

Nice means being agreeable, never wanting to rock the boat. It’s about appeasing others to make them feel good in the moment, or stroking your own ego to feel good about yourself. It’s perfunctory and surface. And it’s a lot like sugar, in that it’s sweet in the moment, but ultimately can be bad for you.

Kindness is far more complex. It’s willing to make waves to deliver what's actually good. It’s rooted in benevolence, doing what’s right, and it cares about the outcome and your wellbeing. It’s thoughtful and proactive. Kindness can also feel harsh, sometimes even cruel, because it confronts whatever is doing the damage, which is often us. It will take on the uncomfortable job of telling you the things you don’t want to hear, but need to.

One of the most sincere pieces of advice I can offer is this: if you can, surround yourself with kind people who genuinely care about you and your wellbeing, even if it’s just one or two, instead of surrounding yourself with yes-men.

If the people in your life only ever tell you how brilliant you are, how right you are, or how untouchable you are - you’re not being loved, you're being managed by people who are looking out for their own self interests. They not only won’t help you, they may even make matters worse by giving you a false sense of security at a time that demands self-reflection and accountability.

When someone is making a catastrophic mistake, and not a single person in their life steps in to say, “Hey… you need to rethink this,” it tells you everything about the vacuum of honesty they’ve built around themselves. They're not looking to grow or overcome, they're focused on remaining pleased with themselves.

Someone who cares about you and is truthful will step in and check you before you destroy your life and/or someone else’s.

The truth is: people who really care about you will challenge you when you need it. The rest will clap while you burn down your life.